The first day I felt super uncomfortable was my first day of work. I was remote and had never met my new manager in person. But I had heard about him from other people. Everybody loved him. He must be awesome.

I was onboarding. My desk was positioned in my loft with my bathroom in the background. Honestly, I had never even thought about it. He noticed it immediately. “You might want to move your desk or add a background.” How could I be SO STUPID!? How could this never have crossed my mind? I guess it never crossed my mind because I was busy thinking about other things. What could I do in this new role? How could I help democratize education for the world (the mission of my new company)? These were the themes I was most excited about, along with all of the new things I could learn. And the salary, of course.

“Also, you might want to consider dressing up a little bit. These Silicon Valley guys seem really chill, but they’re actually judgmental.” I felt my face heat up. I pulled at my hoodie strings. This was my second meeting at the new company, and I already had two strikes. In the first meeting, I had already met one of the other “Silicon Valley guys.” He was wearing a hoodie too. But I wasn’t supposed to. And how dare I show my toilet.

I am happy to say that I am a fast learner. I had already spent the past 20 years traveling the world and learning new cultures. I would learn this one, too. I was good at noticing the patterns of speech, hidden values, social norms, and the ways people dressed. I learned how to “corporate” quickly as well. Here were some of the rules.

1. Never say what you mean. You can observe that people are not using correct logic or that they are too slow to reply to an email. But you can never say it. You have to say things like “another consideration might be…” or “just following up on this,” or “bumping this to the top of your inbox.”

2. Be fine even when you are not. Icebreakers are not the place for giving the real rating on how you’re doing on a scale from one to ten. They are the place for saying you are a seven. You have good things and bad things in life, just like everyone else. But you are grateful and just fine. If it’s a bad day, you are allowed to say six out of ten. But never five.

3. Be visible. If you do something good in your job, make sure everyone knows it. But make sure you don’t make it too obvious that you are bragging. It’s okay if you don’t really make an impact. Just make sure that you have data to support your work.

4. Never outshine the boss. But also do not not shine. But do not shine too much.

5. Always state things in the positive. Leadership hates to be told their ideas are bad. They hate to hear negativity. So ensure you speak of problems as “opportunities,” risks as “considerations,” and incoherent, outdated systems as “areas for improvement.”

It was hard to follow these rules, to be honest. I admire humility and authenticity. I spent my life cultivating these values, telling ugly truths about myself, and showing my vulnerability. It was hard to stomach these rules and even harder to follow them. The longer I worked in corporate, the more I hated the person I was becoming.

To be fair, it’s all quite insane. Let’s consider an example from history. In 1775, when the American Revolutionary War began, the British Army was one of the most powerful military forces in the world. It was trained for order, hierarchy, formations, drums, trumpets, and control. Soldiers marched in straight lines. This structure had helped build an empire. But now they were fighting people who were desperate and willing to adapt. A ragtag army made up of farmers, immigrants, and enslaved people. They improvised. Sneak attacks. Subversion. Hiding. They beat the British because they didn’t follow the rules. They beat the British because they had to.

When we strip away all of the corporate terminology, we can call these strange corporate rules “decorum.” Silicon Valley companies and other American corporations are being disrupted at an unprecedented rate with the introduction of AI. AI is enabling individual people to do what teams of people used to do. We are quite literally at war with technology. I think Corporate America is going to lose.

These corporate norms are going to bankrupt powerful companies. In this quickly changing landscape, companies cannot communicate quickly and effectively. They cannot speak plainly. There are not sufficient structures in place to challenge ineffective or inactive leaders. Most corporate leaders are more skilled at gaining power than making strategic decisions or enabling fast action from their reports. Effective individual contributors are encouraged to lay low and grind. They are burned out and unrewarded. Those who do the most important work go unrecognized.

The scrappy, agile, creative, hungry entrepreneurs with AI-enabled tools are going to run circles around Corporate America. Ten years from now, our Silicon Valley CEOs will be retired or broke. Because we can’t fight like the British anymore, with their decorum and straight-line marching. Corporate America needs to change the rules.

Here are my suggestions.

1. Say what you mean and speak plainly. You do not have time to play games with words or risk misinterpretation.

2. Be honest about your well-being. You need to move quickly, and you need everyone to be healthy.

3. Focus on impact. Leaders should make meaningful work visible as if their livelihood is on the line. Because it is. Effort and impact should be rewarded. You don’t have time for people to waste time on politics.

4. Outshine the boss. Leaders are there to steer and make decisions. They are cheering for you. The best ideas should win, regardless of title.

5. Problems are called problems. Risks are called risks. You don’t have time to sugarcoat things and risk confusion. Leaders should be working their metaphorical “ass off” to make sure individual contributors have what they need. It’s called strategy. It’s called enablement, and it’s your job, leaders.

It’s not too late. Corporate America can realize that it is marching in straight lines while disruptors hide behind hay bales to shoot it. Let’s ditch the decorum and get moving. As you talk about innovation and impact, consider how to enable this at a cultural and social level. Challenge your leaders. Hold them accountable. Ask the individual contributors directly about what is happening and what is needed. They are boots on the ground and will help you survive.

If you don’t, you’re going to lose your place. Your consumers will be more than happy to accept a cheaper and better product from the agile startup with the 21-year-old CEO.

I expect I’ll start my own company one day. We will go by the new rules.

Who wants to work for me?

I’m Jessica Pingel. I’m a life coach, human behavior nerd, former corporate program leader who specialized in messy, high-stakes work, entrepreneur, traveler, and renovation artist. (*Notes the failed TLDR*). The moral of the story is that I like building things, identifying patterns, and helping people. Subscribe to my newsletter and follow me on Instagram and TikTok for more thoughtful chaos. Book a free chemistry session with me if you want to try coaching!