Being a Good Girl Is for Fairy Tales

I’ll go ahead and say it. Disney princesses are screwed up. Ladies, let’s have a closer look at some of our earliest role models. Because these girls were walking red flags, and somehow we grew up thinking their stories were romantic.

FIRST OF ALL… Belle. Of Beauty and the Beast. This girl had the worst case of Stockholm syndrome I’ve ever seen. She was attracted to a man who was a complete dick to her. He literally held her captive, and somehow, through her sweetness, patience, and self-sacrifice, she managed to turn him into a decent human being. AND it was entirely on her to see past his lousy behavior and bad appearance to discover that he had the highest of all redeeming qualities: he was hot. And apparently, if he was around a beautiful and good enough woman, he could occasionally be nice. Ladies, if there was ever a good time to call your therapist, this is it. It is not your job to turn an asshole into a prince.

Then let’s talk about Snow White. This girl got pushed out of her home simply for being too beautiful (okay, that’s a little realistic, but still). She escapes a terrible fate only to end up taking care of seven man-children. She cooks, she cleans, she makes their lives better, and in return, she earns their loyalty and protection. Apparently, the secret to surviving as a woman is making yourself indispensable to a bunch of tiny scrubs. And ultimately, she’s rewarded with the highest possible honor: a kiss from a stranger. Girl, being kissed by a stranger while you’re sleeping is not going to save you, and it is DEFINITELY not consent. You’re better than this, and you deserve more. I’m so sorry you were punished by your own stepmother because of her jealousy. Maybe in another storyline, she could realize that her value doesn’t come from how she looks, and then you could both live happily ever after. Together.

Then we have Jasmine. Talk about not being able to resist losers. This guy puts on some nice clothes, overpromises what he can give you, lies about who he is, and then takes you on a magic flying rug, and suddenly you can’t get enough? Girl, you are a princess with a tiger. Have some self-respect. You have an entire kingdom at your disposal, and you’re entertaining a thief who thinks he needs to pretend to be someone else to deserve you. But according to this story, it’s okay for a woman to overlook lying and deception as long as the man is charming enough. I mean, lessons like this explain a lot of the relationships I’ve seen my girlfriends in over the years. Not to mention my mom.

Let’s go ahead and review. Belle taught us that our sweetness, patience, moral flexibility, and self-sacrifice can make men love us AND change them for the better. We’re literally expected to transform beasts. Snow White taught us that we should expect to be hated for being beautiful, even by the people who should love us no matter what. But that’s okay! We can earn love and loyalty by taking care of incompetent, childish men. And ultimately, the very beauty that made us a target will be the thing that saves us. Someone hot will recognize our worth, take us home, and take care of our every need. And Jasmine taught us that charming men who lie deserve our love and forgiveness because, well, we feel sorry for them. Apparently, being a good woman means seeing past everyone else’s bad behavior while making sure our own behavior is absolutely impeccable.

I mean, usually I like to share research and offer something a little more thoughtful. But I don’t know if I even need to this week. The messages we’re taught and the rules we internalize are beyond ridiculous. And what sucks is that so many of us actually live by them. Be beautiful, but not too beautiful. Be sweet. Be good. Be a caretaker. Be patient. Make excuses for people who treat you badly. Let strangers kiss you and appreciate it. Give charming liars a chance. Make yourself indispensable to everyone around you, and maybe, just maybe, you’ll finally be worthy of love. When you actually say these rules out loud, they’re stupid. Wildly, obviously wrong. So why don’t we go ahead and stop following them? Why don’t we raise our standards? How about that, girls?

So in closing, let me just say this. I’m talking to you. You deserve a lot better than you’ve been told by the world. You and your beauty and your strength (and your tiger) are amazing. It’s not your fault when other people are jealous of you, and you don’t have to make yourself less to keep them comfortable. You don’t have to settle for losers or tolerate people who treat you badly. You don’t have to earn love by taking care of everyone else. You are brilliant and good, and you’re out here running the world, but you don’t get nearly enough credit for it. In fact, sometimes I think people can’t even see the masterpiece of a life you’ve built because they’re too busy noticing what you haven’t done for them. But girl, I see you. I think you’re killing it.

And you don’t need a prince to prove it.

Don’t listen to Disney.